OK.

Part of what is going on for me right now is trying to be visible.

In childhood being invisible was the thing.

The key to being safe is often being invisible.

But invisible people are not worried about. Transgendered people are attacked all the time.

Being visible is important. Quentin Crisp and countless others have shown us this.

But secrets are hard habits to break. And they become simply secrets by habit.

"I try real hard to be who I am, but everybody wants you to be like them," in the words of Mr Bob Dylan.. Nobel lauriet and all that.

So I'm getting older now, and life is catching up with me, and I think to myself if this part of me is not a part of everything, then it will vanish as I vanish. If I keep it secret in any context it is invisible. I make myself invisible. So I will not choose vidtimhood.

I am a visible tranny. I just wish I hadn't made sure there are no pictures of me through my early adult years. I was cuter then, young fresh faced, no beard to speak of till I was in my early 20's.

I could pass easily despite how tall I am, 6'2". I was fairly thin in a lyth sort of way.

Now I'm feeling old.

Passing sometimes is just another way of being invisible. I make no claim for others, but for myself I must be a visible tranny.

I love the story of the Stonewall riots, drag queens standing up to police agression. I claim a sisterhood with them. Standing up and being seen.

I claim the word tranny and the word Queer. People want to define me, say I am a 'man', or a man with a womans mind. Or decide for me who I am attracted to, and how that attraction supposedly defines me. I enjoyed being young free and queer. And because men who like men, well.... like men, I would act butch to pull.  Odd isn't it.

I regard myself as someone with a male body who identifies very strongly with femininity.  I also regard myself as a feminist. I don't want to claim to be a woman in the same way that someone born female is. I regard myself as electively female. I do not deny biology. And I recognise womens rights to exclusive spaces. A tranny that agrees with Geer.

But who also knows Transgendered people are at risk in male dominated bathrooms.

If I am not visible? Who will talk about these issues?

I feel the need to talk about a figure who has helped me get a sense of myself.

We'wha. A Zuni Winkte.

Everything I have read about We'wha, once described on a visit to Washington, as the indian princess. I recognise in myself. Tallest person in her tribe by all acounts.

And I think that for me exploring, and expressing my femininity, is as much a spiritual quest as anything else. In the sense of 'spirit' expressed here http://djthetrainmanwalker.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/the-spirit-of-humanity.html

I know what I am. I'm complicated. But I know who I am too.

Still complicated.

But visible.

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